Surrender Control

"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." ~Lao Tzu

How often have you felt like your life was spinning out of control? Or have you felt like you needed to take control of a situation or a person? Sometimes we just feel like we need to control everything and everyone in our life. This is even more predominant if you're a boss or a parent.

The only thing we really control is our own thoughts, actions, and words. So why do we feel the incessant need to control everything else in our life? The yoga sutras would point to the ego and fear (two of the five afflictions) as reasons we feel this need to control.

The ego is what gives us a personal identity or a sense of self. It is there to help us mediate with our surroundings. The ego serves the vital function of allowing the identification of one's existence with the outer world. However, the ego likes to continually feed itself and it becomes exaggerated. An exaggerated ego creates a false sense of separateness. The individual looses touch with the universal or the connectedness of all things and suffering ensues. An exaggerated ego is a controlling ego - it is all about me! When we are living with an exaggerated ego, we are living in delusion because we are not seeing the world how it really is but how we are.

Fear is also important in our evolutionary development. Fear is a basic survival mechanism that protects us from potential threats.  Fear (and stress) brings us into our sympathetic ("fight or flight") nervous system, so we can react in order to survive. All fear is based on the fear of death or the fear that life will end. Death is a fact of life and is therfore out of our control. So how do we as humans try to compensate for this inevitable reality? By trying to control other things or people in our life.

Yoga teaches us to let go of our attachments and therefore our desire to control.

When we become over invested in our own identity (living in our ego), we begin to see any change as a threat to our sense of self. Yoga takes us out of our ego and allows us to feel the connectedness of all things. So changes in our surroundings or our lives can be viewed as opportunities and not threats. Yoga teaches us to live in the present moment and be with what is. This can help eliminate anxiety about past or future events.  Also yoga, especially with proper breath, stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and takes our body out of "fight or flight" mode and allows us to relax with what is.

So I invite you to focus on letting go of your need to control situations, people in your life, or even your own body and just be present with what is. When we feel out of control, it’s because what we think conflicts with what we feel, but what we feel in our bodies is the truth. Listen to your body! If you experience difficulty with a person, situation, or even a yoga pose don’t try to control the person or situation, but see it as an opportunity to let go and be in this present moment. Remember, the only thing we really control is our own thoughts, actions, and words!

Ways to practice surrendering control:

• Next time you're in a yoga class take child's pose every time you need it. Be honest with yourself!
• Do you always lead a conversation, talking more than listening? In a conversation with a friend, spouse or loved one, don't interrupt. Let them speak freely without speaking an opinion or judgement. Just listen!
• Do you always control the remote? Decide maybe just for one evening to let the other person watch whatever they want. No complaints!
• Are you a "backseat" driver? Next time you are a passenger in the car don't comment on the other driver's abilities or tell them the route you would take.
• Are you always making the decisions in a relationship, like where to go to dinner or what movie to see. Let the other person decide. Or if you're usually indecisive, make the decision.

Breathe

"The nose is for breathing, the mouth is for eating."  ~Proverb

One of the most important things in a yoga practice is your breath. Pranayama is the fourth limb of the eight limbs of yoga. The sanskrit word for breath is pranayama. Prana meaning life force or energy and ayama meaning to extend or control. So breathing is how we control the energy we bring into and release from our bodies.  In the Vinyasa practice (and various other yoga styles), the particular type of pranayama practiced during asana is the ujjayi breath.

The ujjayi breath is a diaphragmatic breath or belly breath. By expanding one's belly on the inhale, it allows the diaphragm to move down and the lungs to expand. Inhalation and exhalation are equal in duration and are both done through the nose. On the exhale, one constricts the throat passage. Imagine breathing to a steam up a mirror - but with you mouth closed. Due to the narrowing of the throat, a rushing sound is made. It is said to sound like the ocean or Darth Vader.

The ujjayi breath strengthens the diaphragm, builds heat in the body, clears toxins, and increases oxygenation in the blood. The breath allows for sustained energy throughout the practice by keeping the vital life force moving through the body and not allowing it to escape. By linking the breath to the movements (inhale-upward dog, exhale-downward dog), it keeps one present and aware and can even have a meditative effect.

Peace of Mind

Top of Precipice Trail - Acadia National Park, ME

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." ~Unknown

One of the many things yoga has taught me, is to tap into that part of me that is always at peace. Even if I am having the most hectic day, I can calm myself through my breath. There is both a physiological and psychological effect associated with deep breathing. Deep breathing stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system ("rest and digest") and  takes us out of the sympathetic nevous system ("fight or flight") resulting in relaxation. Try it right now. Take your deepest breath in and a long breath out. Do this a few times and you will notice you are calmer, clearer, and more present.

Shanti is the sanskrit word for peace, but it is more accurately translated as inner peace (or peace of mind). It is a deep personal and internal experience that one can only tap into for them self. However, yoga and meditation helps guide one to access this place. Human beings often try to find peace externally, by taking a vacation or surrounding them self with serene nature. While this is a great temporary fix to the stresses of life, true eternal peace comes from within. By practicing tapping into your shanti on your yoga mat, you will be better equipped to find peace anytime and anywhere, even in the most frantic of situations when you need it the most.

Next time you feel worked up or life around you seems hectic, before reacting, try taking a few deep breaths to bring yourself back to that part of you that is always at peace, your shanti.

Labor of Change

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."  ~Author Unknown

Labor Day marks the symbolic end of summer. The long, hot, lazy days of summer are coming to an end and the days are growing shorter and cooler. The seasons are changing! Change for most people leads to unwanted and unnecessary suffering. In the yoga sutras, one of the five afflictions is attachment (the other four are ignorance, ego, aversion, and fear - but that's another post).  Our attachment or clinging to the way things are or the way we think things should be and not wanting them to change leads to suffering. Yoga teaches us to deal with the inevitable changes of life in two ways; by changing our perspective and letting go.

Autumn is the time to let go! We see it in nature as the trees let go of their leaves and they wither, die and fall to the ground. This time of year is an opportunity for us to also shed our own metaphorical leaves, such as unwanted baggage - physical, mental, or emotional. By letting go of old feelings, beliefs, and attachments, we can create space to grow new wisdom within ourselves and new opportunities in life. When we shed our old point of views, we allow for a fresh perspective. When we are stuck in our own ideas of how things should be, we aren't open to receiving new ones. We can't stop change or even change how things are, but we can change how we are, in other words our reactions.

These seasonal changes in nature are a reminder for us to evaluate change within ourselves and in our own lives. So this fall, in addition to taking in lots of football and pumpkin lattes, take this opportunity to re-evaluate where you are holding on in your own life and let go!